Perfection’s Pulse

The theme of the day is the recognizing of my security. My safety. The soundness within His dwelling space. When I remember His love for me, and truly tap into it, I can receive, receive, receive. The inconsistency of others doesn’t affect me. I want so badly to share the goodness of Him, to be able to share Him with the ones who, too, have been rescued from the sinful world. But they don’t understand like I do. They don’t hold on like I do. They don’t get it and it breaks my heart.

How do you miss it? We were in the same place. It’s because of Him that we are free. We ARE FREE. It’s finished. It’s over. LET IT GO. Get out of yourself. Get out of your head.

Jesus didn’t come for us to linger in hell. He came to free us. I just want to shake up the world.

They are witness to His goodness. Or very blind actors.

He tells me, it’s not about them. It was never about them.

The heart of a true leader runs deep, deep into the wells of Christ. This is a living water, not a cistern of your own mercy because that’s false humility. Be one with Christ rather than your own source. You want the living water, you have to keep up with it. Continue to flow freely. Don’t let anything stop you from doing what is righteous. You are beautiful. The light shines on the ugly and reveals truth. It is not your fault that you do what you do. God says, “It’s all for me, Samantha. Keep dancing. Don’t stop, my darling child. Keep dancing. Keep singing, angels. Keep singing, choir. That’s my girl down there; eyes closed in adoration. With her I am well pleased.”

So I will continue to praise Him. Holding tight to what the world is lacking. Trusting He will make all things right for those who love Him. Who trust Him. I praise you God, my God. I love you so so much.

I’m going to Panera this morning, and I’m going to study the Word of my God. His promises. His mercy, His grace. His loving presence. I love you God. Thank you for being so sweet. Mmm. I love you Jesus. I will come prepared for Saturday’s study. Now that we have removed the surface grime. I love you Jesus.
I love His perfecting, purifying, promises.

Keep flowing freely in me. I am learning your ways and want you more than I want my self. Show me what to do next. You have blessed me with your resurrection power and I will forever share your goodness.

Their insecurities are not your own. When you do all that you can to stand, stand firm still. Praise Him on the mountaintop. Amen.

Catharsis

Thank you God for mercy

Catharsis: (noun)
process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions

I give the LORD permission to enter my heart and complete this job within me. Breakthrough is here and it doesn’t have to end. Are you kidding me? After everything I went through to get started, do you think I want to let this world to cause me any more suffering than necessary?
OF COURSE NOT. Get behind me, Satan.


Someone asked me today, “Are you afraid of your fire going out? Are you doing too much? Do you get overwhelmed?”

I get overwhelmed by my God’s unfailing LOVE.

This fire is growing. It’s a wildfire for Him. He keeps me stirred. Keeps me pressing forward. There’s no way in hell I would stop. This is the truth too. How can you stop? I pray to dwell in this holy place forever. As I went through life without reaching satisfaction thus far, I will continue to press on for more and more. It’s human nature to hunger and thirst… so fill me God. That’s my prayer. I want it all. All there is to offer. There’s no cap on Christ and for that alone I will keep on pressing.

Don’t be intimidated. Why stop? He created this world FOR US. If it’s bringing Him glory, do you think he wants us to slow down? Proceed with caution? No. If it’s FOR HIM then go for it. That means we’re in his favor. Under HIS care. HIS army of angels are our defense. I mean, where can you go wrong?

Nothing can quench the fire of God. C’mon now, it’s all consuming. Don’t get tired. Don’t fall weak. Reach and reach and reach some more. Keep it moving. Don’t grow weak or weary. If you trip and fall, it’s from dragging your own feet. This end is near. Repent! Get excited. Tis the year of jubilee. Let’s rejoice for the LORD HAS MADE TODAY. Get excited. Receive. Get over yourself already. 😉 Come out of the wilderness. Springtime’s around the corner. Get ready to bloom. Your bridegroom is near.

Where does your help come from?

If your relationship is right with Christ, you will rest in peace daily.


Ask and you shall receive. He’s waiting.

Laying Low

As He pours out his wrath onto my life I am forced into repentance. However, the challenge in this is to recognize what I am truly repentant of. Why am I feeling this way? Where is it stemming from? What’s sincere? Am I being honest with myself? Let alone, God?

I pray that He may lead me into a place where I am full and whole and not so void inside. I know that it’s possible if I hold up my end.
I’m asking Him to show me. To guide me.

I’m on Day 23 of my Sugar Fast. I have thus far surrendered my joy to Him as well as I am in a state of mourning and stillness. He has led me to the valley of death, gently, his hand guides me to where my burdens need rest. Lovingly, I follow but I am now standing among my mess and becoming frantic. Trying to determine what it is that I need. What it is that I am still missing. How do I piece it all together? Where is HE? My God, my glue? Has this all been for the wrong purpose?

I reflect on my heart. Inside, what am I willing to sing for? Who shall I dance for? The LORD? His creations? I haven’t danced for the LORD as I want to. I haven’t exercised my abilities as I want to. I stopped doing things for the right reason, hence my progression has halted.

ENOUGH.

It’s not through works. I barely squeeze by in that case. All of these hopes and dreams I began to doubt when I lost sight of my Maker. Feeling as if I got all that He has for me. That the rest is too much. I allowed other people to talk me out of my success. To put doubts in my head, that I was doing too much. That I wouldn’t accomplish anything because I wasn’t doing the right thing. It’s all lies. It’s all fear. Save me O LORD. I need you to hear my cries and love me. Help me to LOVE ME. GOD I AM ANGRY. I AM SO HURT. I AM DONE WITH REJECTION.

Why would I humor someone this way.

And it came to me. I am fine if I align my works for Him and His purpose. Not for my own gain.
Trust God. Do Good.

Praise Him on the mountains as well as in the valleys. Remembering not only where my strength comes from, but why it’s there.

I will praise you My God. Thank you for revelation! For freedom! For repentance and for mercy and peace.

God Bless You LORD.

Where am I?

Alternating a bite from an apple and Jalapeño Cheddar Corn Nuts, my nose is running and my mind is racing. All I want is silence and a refreshing prayer with my creator. I’m on the break from my class that I can hardly focus on.

Stress is overbearing me right now and I’m trying to remain positive and work through it, but I’ve already hit my knees twice crying out loud to the LORD for help, just to be drawn right back to my classes of deeds and discussions for Real Estate Law.

Snacks are my filler right now when I should be connecting with the Christ.

I’m overwhelmed. I feel inadequate. I want the world to stop hurting me but really I’m certain this pain is self-inflicted.

Let go!

I cried to Him, “Love me God. I just want to be loved! Let me feel your love!” And sure enough, he pulled me into scripture. I began to read Philippians 2 and was instantly reminded of my Bible Study last night and my new friend, Phil.

I met Phil at a Celebrate Recovery dinner a while back and could instantly see the glow of Jesus radiating from his happy smile. As Tucker and I mingled with newcomers for the Super Bowl Even Sunday evening, we were invited to join in with Phil and the church’s in-home/ZOOM Bible Study over the Mosaic Covenant. At least 20 new believers to share the promises of God with. What a blessing!

Rewind even more to yesterday morning when I was able to reunite with one of my past Pastors/Mentors, the beloved Reverend Insook Do. She is a Korean born, Methodist Pastor with degrees in Theology. What a wonderful woman to have teaching me of the LORD and his ways. Praise God. I was able to share with her congregation studies over Proverbs 13 in the morning time. She insists that I sit-in Saturday for her study over Romans and Paul’s theology. This will be with her Christian Family in Albany New York where she worked at the city mission.

I am so so grateful for all of these connections. All of this family that’s growing every which way. The LORD’s using me to reach out and spread His love. Each of these encounters have been enveloped with prayer. Thank you Jesus.

I also completed an interview for the marketing company’s mailers through Milwaukee Direct. The gentleman on the phone had the most wonderful accent! Such a pleasant voice to speak with as I shared my gratitude for the Warren Family Mission, specifically Hannah’s House, and all that they have done and provided for Tucker and I. We will be on their next mailer which is sent out to our donors. We are so grateful for his love.

How can I even begin to cry out that I don’t feel loved? My memories of childhood flashed before me, not feeling good enough. Not feeling strong enough. Being unappreciated, being ashamed, full of faults, stupid, dumb, dull, blah.
All lies that I need Him to take from me.

This healing is so much work. I begged him to let me be like others but I hear, “Do you want to heal or stay the same?”

He flashes before me the mediocre lifestyle I can remain in if I don’t want better…and that’s not the case. Not only do I want healing, but I can see how much progress has been made in less than two years time… His promises include nations and generations that stretch from Warren, Ohio USA throughout the entire world. Not just this nation. He’s promising me a mission involving the love of His Kingdom that reaches around the whole planet.

The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
-1 Peter 5:10

The LORD makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
-Psalm 37:23-24

Sweet 16

Today marks day 16 of my Sugar Fast. 16 days I’ve committed thus far to replacing my urges to surge with a desire to connect more closely to the One who created me.
Along the way I have encouraged MANY sisters to join me in for the journey. I began a Bible Study as I previously mentioned, and share in my Celebrate Recovery groups the fulfillment it brings. Not to mention, this “experiment” with the Great Physician, has proven to make not only myself more health-conscious, but my 8 year old son, as well. How wonderful is that?

Another thing that has been brought to my attention, as the LORD has opened an abundance of glory-filled doors for me over these past few days, is my time management. Philippians’ “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” has just taken on a more vivid meaning for my life. When you’re living for HIS glory, there’s no limit to what he will bless you with. I’m so grateful to be trusted by the LORD with so much and cannot wait to share with you His manifestations within my life.

As for now, it’s time to learn Real Estate Law with 100+ faces via Zoom.

Thank you Jesus.

My prayer today is that you may be inspired. I pray that you may go beyond the usual for you, that you may be encouraged to try new things. Unexpected possibilities. In faith, I’m daring you to reach past limits you’ve set on yourself, to accomplish what God has set in your heart. Trust that although these things may not be possible to the ordinary you, in Christ you can overcome the EXTRAORDINARY. Follow His lead with a leap! You’ll be impressed with how much you’re blessed. (and then share!)

God Bless You.

Better believe it!

I’ve got this new confidence to follow-through with the process of excellence.

I want to be the best I can be and I intend to encourage others along the way. I recognize my faults and my insecurities. I’m full of hang-ups but I trust this strength that comes from the Power of Christ Himself, manifested into accomplishing work here on earth. I am honored to carry out his will within my life and to allow his power customize my life to his liking.

What is this blog going to be about?

What parts of my life am I targeting?

How do I intend to keep the readers interested?

And what would one visit my site in order to achieve?

What are viewers of my site “looking for?” How can I help?

I pray to encourage others as I document my journey being “born-again.” My journey consists of faith that moves mountains, as cliche as it may sound, spiritual, physical and total emotional change.

You will witness a true life recovery story of redemption from drugs, alcohol, sex, food, pornography, compulsive shopping, gambling, excessive make-up, hoarding, impulsive behavior, anger and violent tendencies, prostitution; drug dealing/manufacturing, etc.

My story is a testimony of deliverance from most any unhealthy behavior one’s mind can conceive.

On top of all of this, I am a single mother, 33 years old, transitioning from a Christ-centered rehabilitation/discipleship program (Hannah’s House, Vienna, Ohio) working part-time at the local city-mission and attending real estate school, 100% supported by the same city mission (Warren Family Mission, Warren, Ohio.)

My story is just beginning- now that I am to a position of being “ok” with myself, healing from my childhood traumas and my previous lifestyle. This is when things get good. Where outreach comes in. Where God uses my sufferings for the good of others. He’s blessed my story and returned it to me, filling my wounds with love and mercy and grace so that I may share that same love with others while allowing his supernatural strength to empower me with the life he intended for me to have.

What does this mean?

It means now I am strong enough, by the grace of God, to move forward in my life. To move upward and outward, onward. As I am no longer a slave to inward focus. The more I am obedient to the “right” way of living, the more I am blessed with. The more I am blessed with, the more I can use these blessings to pour into the live’s of others. The more I “give away” the more I receive. And this is the process, a formula if you will, to doing it all over again. To grow. To gain more and more and more.

You might say that I have an addictive personality after reviewing my testimony, but the truth is, I have a strong hunger for something that is fulfilling. I have a drive to receive ALL that I can get out of something. I want filled. I want to receive. I had a taste of God and it was good. It quenched my thirst for the world. It extinguished the thrill of sin.

God’s grace is sufficient for me. The peace that comes with connecting with Him. The attachment involved in an intimate relationship with Christ is like none other. Nothing compares to the Holy One.

When you try to wrap your arms around the truth of the Creator of the Heaven’s and the Earth as being your PERSONAL Savior. The same One who paints the purples into the skies and dresses the fields with wildflowers. Yes, that God.

In Christianity, true Christianity, you are invited to have a PERSONAL relationship with Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit dwells within you. The God of the Universe shares your heart with you if you let Him. And better yet, by letting Him share the dwelling place of your soul, you allow Him to slowly, moment by moment, act of obedience by obedience… morph you into the perfect child he created you to be.

You are perfect in God’s eyes when you are in Christ.

You are loved. You were created to love and be loved.

So with that being said, I’m going to keep a daily of my life so you can watch me evolve into this wonderful creation that is God- breathed.

Enjoy my new life with me as I share my struggles, as I celebrate in my victories, as I discuss raw feelings, truths, obstacles, opinions. You name it.

I spent years hiding my “diary” from people, but now that I’m a new creation, I’m leave it open for the world to see.

This is my testimony, digitally mastered.

Enjoy!

#zerotohero #mommabear #jesussaves #recovery #victory #GodBreathed #bornagain #blessedbeablessing